Money and Marriage

Perhaps the most fought about issue married people face is over money. Saving it, spending it, investing it, wasting it, and control of it are all points where money can cause tension in relationships. Where does one begin on a topic that touches many important aspects of our lives?

Setting ground rules and a positive mindset.

There’s no way around this one. You will need to talk about your financial situation with your spouse and together come up with goals. Maybe your near term goal is paying off your student loans or credit card bills. Or maybe you want to retire early so saving is a priority. Whatever your goals are, make sure they align with your partner’s.

When it comes to finances, my husband and I are a team. It’s never his or my money, it’s ours. We check in for larger purchases to ensure both parties are comfortable but otherwise we don’t dictate how we spend our “fun money” since we have a system in place that ensures we maintain our financial goals.

Joint bank account

This is a personal preference but something that works well for me and my husband. We have our paychecks split between direct deposits meaning we put the same percentage of our paychecks into the joint account that we keep for all our joint expenses. You may wonder why I said the same percentage of our paycheck rather that amount. Well, surprise, my husband and I make different amounts of money. With our team mindset it’s never been an issue that one person puts more money in joint account than the other. Over the course of our careers it has changed who makes more. The rest of our paycheck goes into our personal bank accounts allowing each of us to have some fun money that’s our own.

Save first

We automatically save a percentage of our paychecks as soon as the direct deposit places money in our accounts. Automatic transfers are wonderful. I have mine set at the beginning of the month right when our deposits come through. Save first, spend the leftovers.

Lending money to friends and family

Never lend money to friends and family that you can’t afford to lose. Promises break, things happen and those you trusted may let you down. When lending out money, be prepared to never see that amount again and factor that in when setting the loan amount.

Who will lead the financial portion of the marriage?

Naturally one person typically takes on the bulk of managing the finances. In our family, I’m the financial planner. I take on saving/investing our money, paying all the bills and handling our taxes. I always tell my husband my plans for our money and when I make large payments towards our mortgage or buy a big chunk of our index fund.

What are your long term goals?

We asked ourselves, “what do we want for our future?” The answer, financial freedom and a comfortable retirement. Having the latest and greatest does not interest us. Spending money on traveling and experiences are more important than having the newest phones (for example, my phone is 3.5 years old). We both are savers by nature and like the idea of having the freedom to retire early or have one of us stay home with kids if needed.

Dealing with Debt

When you marry someone, you also marry their debt. There are different types of debt that couples need to evaluate. Credit card debit is the worst kind since the interest rates are generally very high compared to student loans, a mortgage or car payments. Paying down the loans with the highest interest rates first is a good strategy. Now I don’t see credit cards as bad, but it can be a slippery slope into massive debt if one isn’t careful My husband and I pay off our credit cards each month. If you don’t carry a balance month to month, credit cards can be a great way to earn rewards from points. However, some people struggle with spending within their means, and for them, it’s often beneficial to cut your credit cards and avoid using them or even just canceling them once it is paid off to avoid temptation. .

Final thoughts

Open communication about goals and expectations around financial decisions and habits has gone a long way in our marriage. From the beginning, J and I have made efforts to build a lifestyle that works within a smaller budget than what most of our friends and family spends. What’s important to us is that we always have an emergency fund and can take cool trips to new places and build memories together. A lot of our physical stuff we own was given to us secondhand, bought used or just plain old. Find what works best for your family’s lifestyle.