It’s official; I’m a mom now! I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, M, four months ago and I’m so in love. All the aches, pains and fears were worth it to hold my daughter and have her smile at me. But I feel it is important to share the not-well-discussed postpartum experience. It is extremely difficult and I’m here to share my best tips for surviving the first two weeks postpartum.
#1. Stock up on healing essentials
I had a vaginal delivery with no complications but a 2nd degree tear, which I think is pretty good since my daughter’s head circumference measured in the 98th percentile. As one might expect, the healing process was rough, but I found a few key items that really helped my recovery. I even sent a care package with the following items to my cousin who gave birth 2 months after I did.
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- Adult Diapers – I don’t know who said the mesh underwear from the hospital was good, but I hated it. Adult diapers are hands down the way to go. You don’t need an extra pad and you can add your medication directly to the diaper rather than trying to get a pad to stick to the underwear and risk the possibility that it might move.
- Frida Mom Perineal Foam – This stuff was magic. I used the Frida mom witch hazel wipes (similar to tucks) and honestly the foam was much easier and I think worked better.
- Dermaplast – For an extra dose of numbing agent.
- Frida Mom peri bottle – Get this one. Yes, the hospital gives you one but it’s not angled like the Frida mom version. The angle makes it much easier and that’s what’s important when you’re sleep deprived and crying from pain and hormones.
- Lanolin nipple cream – For new breastfeeding mamas. It’s safe for babies and will help your cracked and bleeding nipples.
- Ice packs for your breasts. When your milk comes in you will likely feel engorged. Ice packs help lessen the pain (along with pumping/nursing your baby).
#2. Prepare 2 weeks worth of meals
With limited mobility and limited brain power, you won’t be able to go to the grocery store in the first two weeks, so I recommend preparing and freezing your favorite meals prior to giving birth. Or even better, let friends and family feed you. Many family members of mine brought food or had it delivered to us and it was magical.
For those with a Costco membership I recommend some of their frozen meals. Chicken Tiki Masala, Irish beef stew, pot roast, ravioli lasagna and others made delicious and easy to prepare meals we could pull from our chest freezer. Frozen vegetables and instant mashed potatoes help round out the prepackaged meals.
#3. Outsource laundry
Something I didn’t realize prior to delivery was how limited you are in what you are able to do. You can’t drive, you can’t clean, you can’t lift anything heavier than your baby and you can’t walk up more than one flight of stairs per day. This automatically made laundry forbidden those first two weeks and my mother-in-law took over the task as my husband and I focused our attention on our new daughter. When people come to visit and ask how they can help, tell them, “laundry!”
#4. Shower daily
One of the few things that made me feel human again was showering daily. Don’t skip your showers. You’ll be covered in sweat (from hormones) and milk/spit up constantly. Give yourself some self-care, it’s important; You can’t take care of another being if you don’t take care of yourself.
#5. Have your partner do one bottle feeding per night
This might be controversial, but let your partner help with feedings. I know, the lactation consultants might tell you not to do it until breastfeeding is established or be careful with nipple confusion, and you should ultimately follow the advice that works best for you. For me I had to use nipple shields starting out, so my baby was used to the plastic feel and took a bottle easily from the very beginning. The benefit here was that my husband could feed M while I slept for a 3-hour stretch; a luxury in the early days with a newborn.
#6. Tap into your social network for emotional support
Whether it’s through the mom forums, calling your therapist, your best friend or venting to your mother, make sure to reach out for support. The first two weeks are a complete emotional rollercoaster. You will have doubts, anxiety, moments of pure joy, uncontrollable sadness and frustration. It’s the triple threat of hormones leveling out, sleep deprivation and pure adrenaline of taking care of your child that leaves you all over the feelings’ spectrum. Reach out to someone. No one is superwoman and it helps so much to talk it out.
I was fortunate that my cousin had a baby exactly a month before me so we would text each other at all hours of the day and night talking about all things baby. It was invaluable to have that connection.
#7. Do NOT entertain your visitors
This tip applies beyond the first two weeks postpartum. In those first two weeks especially, you have my permission to be a terrible host when people come to visit. You should not be the one fetching drinks or accommodating visitors. Heck, you can straight up say no to any visitors at all in those first two weeks, month or whatever you feel comfortable with. Those first two weeks you are practically topless trying to breastfeed and deliriously exhausted and in loads of pain. I only allowed immediate family members to visit within the first two weeks, but do what is most comfortable for you.
If you do have visitors, you should be seated and focused on the baby or yourself if someone is there to hold your newborn so you can nap. Your visitors can get their own drinks and should not stay very long. A great hint is saying, “it’s time for baby to nap/feed” so your visitor knows they should move along.
In my third week I felt more normal and I made the mistake of expelling too much energy. I felt I had to entertain and it drained my energy and caused me to bleed larger clots. My body made sure to tell me I was not anywhere near 100% yet and needed to slow down. Listen to your body!
Bonus: How your partner can help in the early days
- Change all the diapers
- Prepare meals for mama
- Give affection or words of affirmation, but don’t be too physical. New mamas are easily “touched out” after having a baby attached to them all day.
- Split the night shift so mama can get more sleep.
- Always always always refill her water bottle.
- Wash bottles/breast pump equipment. Mama has precious little time before she has to feed baby again. Take that off her plate so she can get sleep
- Stock up on your favorite caffeinated beverages (you will need them) to help out when the sleep deprivation takes its toll and baby just won’t seem to settle down.